Thursday, April 19, 2012

waiting....for it to pass...

Lying in bed at 8:30 am...

The muscles in my arms, in particular my deltoids, feel like they are dripping acid...

Deep, profound aching in arms and palms of hands and neck and shoulders...

This is central pain...

Pain that originates in the spinal cord and/or brain...

I've read stroke patients often deal with such pain. I did not know that.

Before.

My dog, on the bed, shifts his position and leans against my back. I yearn for his closeness, expecting the only thing good I could sense right now, his love and loyalty, his warmth and his understanding...

but, please, the pressure causes more pain. Which I will endure in exchange for that good...

waiting...

for oxycodone to ease the aching...remembering my pain doctor telling me, "If the pain doesn't go away in 40 minutes, take another pill."

I thought this was gone after my surgery. I had thought that the stabilization of my head and neck, the miracle of the surgery, had also removed this condition that has haunted my days for years. But...I guess not. I can see now that the higher dose of pain meds was handling this pain. And I've been weaning myself down on the meds, finally, the other day, reaching the dosage plateau I was on "pre-surgery."

So much on the news these days about abuse of oxycodone... the harm it does for so many who need this medication, the families who begin to wrongly judge their loved ones...thankfully, I do not have to deal with this lack of understanding or this misjudgment. Thanks be to God.

I know this will pass. At least, I believe it will. This is the very pain that was keeping me in bed most of the day "pre-surgery." This is the very pain that convinced me to proceed with a dangerous and risky surgery, just knowing I could not continue life that way. Now, like a long-gone ghost that has suddenly returned, it's back. My hope, where I'm placing my confidence, is that the gain from the surgery will be, at least, that this deeply, profound, all-encompassing, life-stopping pain will pass...will pass more quickly than it did before surgery. I have faith that it will. I have faith that all things will eventually be so much better. Please, oh Lord.

6 comments:

Chuck Martin said...

Virginia,

Hang in there! Our prayers for you are out there working...

Without faith nothing is possible. With faith everything is possable

-Mary Waldo Bethune

Love & Blessings

Chuck & Laurene

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Anonymous said...

Every now and then I just want someone to understand how hard the fight is to choose joy instead of bitterness when coping with a lifetime of chronic pain. But I'm scared that if I tell folks how bad the pain is, they will think I'm faking the joy I show each day, and I'm not faking it.

In your blog you've succeeded to express the truth of walking with both horrid pain and the joy of your salvation.

Last night I had one of those once-a-year nights where I sleep all night. Wow but I feel so much better today. I'm praying that for you.

My faith is just not strong enough to pray that all our nights will have good sleep, so for now I'll pray that we'll have just one more such night, and that He'll give us everything we need to find true joy in every moment of our day.

Blessing,

Lisa in Alaska

By His Grace said...

Thank you, chuck and laurene! God bless you, dear friends!

Lisa, I'm sorry my words are so relatable to you and your painful situation, yet at the same time, I know they are. You are so right, we must choose joy over sorrow; choose to smile when inside, we are tortured. God bless you, also. You wrote this so beautifully. I'm sorry you even know about it.

As for me, that day did pass, after a couple of days. I will post this on the blog some time, but I realised that I just have to keep with the pain meds I'm on now, they are handling the wicked central pain most of the time. And stop thinking I can come all the way off of them. And so far, this is working well for me, so that, combined with the results of the surgery, I have some wonderful days! The last two or three have been like that...and at times, I feel strangely "normal." When it happens, it's such a strange yet recognizable feeling: normal. Thank you for your prayers. I'm glad you had one good night. I pray you will have many more. Love you!

Jenna said...

Hi
My name is jenna
I was born with a rare life threatening disease, and have 14 other medical conditions, and developmental delays.
I wrote this poem
Each of us are Special
Each of us different,
No one is the same
Each of are us are unique in our own way,
Those of us who have challenges, we smile through our day.
It doesen't matter what other's say
we are special anyway.
What is forty feet and sings? the school chior
http://www.miraclechamp.webs.com

Anonymous said...

Virginia, how are you now my friend?