I finally found it! I've been praying and asking the Lord to reveal to
me what I can say to the neurosurgeon.
You see, I know them well enough to know that they want things concise.
They want the bottom line and they don't want to hear all about your various symptoms.
But, I just didn't have it, that concise message that adds it all up. Because I know he will ask me, "Why do you want surgery now?"
I suppose this might sound foolish to many. Why worry about something like this? Why let it eat away at you and keep you awake at night?
You see, when you have a brain injury, you worry that things will be asked of you, IMPORTANT things, that will need an answer. I do, I worry about it. Especially when it's concerning something really important to me!
I feel like I can relax when I have the right words down on paper. Because I have had the experience of not explaining myself well, and the neurosurgeon was in a hurry and he didn't want to wait for me to collect my thoughts!
His time is worth money and he exudes the air that tells me he has much more important stuff to do than wait for me to explain myself.
Well, whether the reader understands this or not, it is what I often wrestle with, but now, on a piece of paper in my kitchen, scribbled out in pencil, is "the Bottom Line!" I am 3 days away from seeing the neurosurgeon, and thank You, Jesus, You've given me the words I feel will work when I'm asked why I feel surgery will be good for me.
This is what I wrote:
The Bottom Line
I cannot keep myself from living Life.
I cannot keep myself from doing things, even small things, that I know will later on cause me a lot of pain and suffering.
I also cannot stay out of a car or pickup. Life really demands that I go shopping or to doctor appointments and other
things that require a ride in a car. I gave up driving long ago.
I honestly think a stabilization will help my problems with riding in a vehicle. The wobbling about, the motion of travel, will have less effect on me if I have a stabilization done at the cranio-cervical junction. I might even be able to drive again!
And I'll be safer in the vehicle with that surgery done, those rods and screws and plates and wires in place. In the event of a motor vehicle accident, I will have more to hold my head onto my spine!
AND, I believe that surgery will cause me to have less range of motion, which is just what I want. I believe that if my neck is held rock-solid, then I will not be apt to do those things that I do now, the things that cause neurological flareups. I will be more aware of not wanting to lift something heavy or turn in such a way that will cause anything to twist, turn or pop out of position.
These things are the bottom line. I truly believe, given my own awareness of my own situation, that a top-notch stabilization will finally put me into the right place, and keep me there.